The World Acording to Bree

I’m in one of those moods right now where I take things way to personally and over-think everything. I really hate when I get like this cuz I put every little detail under the microscope and draw conclusions that are probably (hopefully) far from true. But I can’t help it. I have a low self-esteem and it often gets the best of me.

Currently, I’m being bothered by the notion that some of my friends might secretly dislike being in my presence. I know that sounds like really paranoid thinking, but when I look at some of the things that go on, it suddenly seems more plausible. For instance, every morning a certain friend of mine will give the girl I walk up with a huge hug and smile and will jump into a conversation with her while I get a half hearted hug and a small smile and a quiet “morning”. This same friend asked three of our other friends to do something over spring break, but not me. Will I confront her about it or act any different around her? Deffinitly not, but it’s something I think about.

One of my other friends never responded to my comment on facebook or my text saying that I would hang out with him if he would like, but he responded to one of our other friends.

And finally one of my closest/longest friends never seems to respond to my texts and didn’t invite me to a joint birthday party that she invited other of our friends to.

I’m not trying to insert myself into other people’s lives or anything, nor have I gone all crazy and picked a fight with any of these people. I haven’t even mentioned it to them. I’m not going to make things awkward for them. It’s just one of those things that sits there and festers in my mind.

So I actually wrote this in Stats back on Wednesday and I really like how it captured everything I wanted to say.

I just don’t like her, well the idea of her. I don’t like the fact that she had him for so long and she was a bitch. I don’t like the fact that she took something from him that I could never get and he didn’t even love her. I don’t like the fact that she’s all these people can compare me too when there should be no compition. I don’t like the fact that she didn’t deserve him, yet it’s her record I have to beat. I just really hate don’t like the fact that he was once hers.

So I’ve kinda always wanted to be a part of someone else’s family. You know, call their parents mom and dad, spend a crap load of time at their house, and have their parents accept me as part of their family. I always thought that would be one of the coolest things in the world, but I never had the chance to experience it. I’ve watched a couple of my friends be adopted into my family that way, and I kinda wish that would happen to me.

Every year on St. Patrick’s day I, like the rest of the universe, wear green. I also, much of the confusement of others, always implement an aspect of orange into whatever I’m wearing. Sometimes it’s something small like a bracelet or necklace and people don’t notice. Other times it’s something larger or simply more noticeable like a belt of hair bow, and that’s usually when the questions start. So in an effort to ward off some of those questions and enlighten you to some customs of  my culture, I’m going to explain why I do it.

When St. Patrick introduced Catholicim to the Irish he used the clover to help convey the abstract idea of three entities making one being. The Irish really connected with the clover concept and therefore wore green on every St. Patrick’s day to celebrate the introduction of Catholicism in their lives. This much is well known, the following isn’t. The Scottish, like the Irish once were, are predominantly Protestant and weren’t very happy when the Irish became predominantly Catholic. So every year on St. Patrick’s day when the Irish (and everyone who pretends to be Irish that day) wear green, the Scottish protest that movement by wearing orange (the color of the Protestants.)  

The Scottish half of my family has continued that tradition for as long as I can remember, and I will continue to uphold it just as I uphold the tradition of green for the Irish half of my family. So tomorrow when you see me, I will be wearing green for my Irish family and orange for my Scottish family. =)

So I’d like to take a moment to thank my mother, I know that it’s highly unlikely that she will ever read this but it’s something I want to do to show my appreciation for everything she’s done for me. Most specifically, I’d like to thank her for taking me to my concert last wednesday night and for everything that was involved with that. She went in late to work the day tickets went on pre-sale so that we would be garunteed to get them, she paid almost $80 per ticket so we could both go, she allowed me to put my name in the raffle for meet and greet tickets and then granted me permission to take part in it when I won even though it ment I would be alone, she left work early even though she had so much to do just so we could get to the Staples Center in plenty of time and then stood in line with me for and hour and a half in the freezing cold as we waited to get in, she held all my stuff, bought my dinner, and found our seats while I was in the meet and greet, and when Linkin Park finally took the stage she screamed out all the lyrics she knew along with me (which is quite alot actually.) Then the next day she stayed up all night working to make up for everything she couldn’t do when she was at the concert with me plus all the stuff she had to do that day. Thank you so much for everything mom. I love you! 

TOMORROW!!!!! =D

will bring with it the realization of a life’s dream if everything goes the way it should. Please karma, God, and anyone who may have some sort of control over future events, let this all work out.

It could be the single greatest day of my life…no seriously it could.

After today is done one.more.day. until I get to see the amazingness that is Linkin Park live!!!! Can you say excitment?!

So, I really meant to have this up before midnight, but time got away from me.

Anyways, seeing as this was intended for what is now yesterday I guess I’ll just use it for today.

19 more days!

Discovering that one of the very worst weeks of my life was my fault. That just makes me feel great. And I know you didn’t intend to make it sound that way, but unfortunatly that’s how it came across. 50 bucks says that you were distracted when you said it and didn’t realize what had come out of your mouth, but that doesn’t make me feel any better. Neither does what you said to make me not feel guilty. You told me that it didn’t matter because you don’t care about it anymore, because we would never be in that situation again, because you realized that you couldn’t live without me. Yeah well guess what, I’m still gonna obsess over it. It’s still gonna bother me. And nothing you said will take that away. You want to know why? Because I’ve now discovered that my behavior pushed you away, and that there are aspects that you don’t like about me enough to consider not being in my life anymore. At least that’s the way I see it. But I won’t say anything, I won’t let you know how I feel because that might push you away too. God, why am I such a fuck up?